I hate planks. I don't kind of sort of hate doing planks, I would like to push planks off of a tall building. Why? Here are 8 reasons why planks are the absolute worst --
1. Planks hurt my ego.
Nothing says failure like not being able to hold a plank for more than 30 seconds. I can run a marathon but I can't plank for 30 seconds...really? REALLY? It's like drop kicking my ego.
2. The burning and the shaking.
And can we talk about the burning and shaking that happens to your abs when you have to hold a plank? When I do planks, my entire body shakes viciously! What is that? Why does it feel like my hope is on fire?
3. The Space Time Continuum Shift.
Time moves slower when you're doing planks than it does when you're running a treadmill...So that says a lot. Why? Why does 10 seconds feel like a decade when you're doing a plank?
4. You look dumb.
You just do. No one looks cool when they're doing a plank. And you look really dumb when you're doing them wrong. (Which I normally am.)
5. It's too easy to just lie down.
Talk about temptation staring you in the face...you're literally one push up (or collapse) away from just laying down. That's actually probably why I'm so bad at planks...I just end up laying down...
6. They are difficult.
This is why @annamwillard is an Olympian and I'm Captain Struggles. 💪🏽 Guess who got to spend the morning laughing (and 💦💦💦 sweating) her face off doing a pre-biomechanics running assessment with @acumobility coach and badass Olympian Anna Willard and @topoathletic?!? This girl! 🙋🏽 #RunSelfieRepeat 💪🏽💦 #RollingSweats
No explanation necessary. It's just true.
7. The face you make when you're struggling in pain.
I have a terrifying plank face. It's a cross between suffering and begging for mercy and it's just not cute. My eyes pool with tears, my face winces with pain and my mouth contorts into a very strange shape. It's not attractive...I'll say that.
8. Planking was an embarrassing social media movement.
Remember planking? It was the first really embarrassing thing we did collectively as a world on social media. It's like the middle school/high school of social media's past.
And that is why planks are the worst. If you have any "How to fall in love with planking" secrets, please throw them my way. For my final last minute New Year's Resolution (what you didn't know you can make a New Year's Resolution 75% through the year? Yeah, you totally can. Watch me.) I am going to figure out how to hold a 3 minute plank. (No I'm not.) [DAMNIT. SEE MY PROBLEM? YES I AM. I CAN DO THIS!] Planks are the worst. Until tomorrow, #RunSelfieRepeat.