VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING! You know what that means, women all around the country are laying on couches with a bottle of wine, feeling sorry for themselves, while they field calls from their family members asking why they're alone or when they're going to "settle down" and get married.
So if you're alone this Valentine's Day, dreaming about a happily ever after like this...
Then enjoy these 9 foolproof dating tips!
1. Let your family do the work. (They're the ones who are concerned about your single-hood anyways, right?)
UM I JUST GOT CC'ED ON THIS EMAIL FROM MY AUNT TRYING TO HOOK ME UP WITH SOME GUY NAMED @ARTHURMEYER13. Who are you and why does my aunt think you would "get along with the family." You guys help me out here. Anyone know who he is? #BlindDate #MeddlingFamily UPDATE #tonightshow #jimmyfallon #whydoesmyfamilykeepsettingmeup
2. Use your resources to get dates.
3. Make sure your dates have a sense of humor before wasting your time getting drinks with a dud. IE Threaten to kill them and then see how they handle it.
4. Lay down next to a sleeping handsome man and say, "Did you see me in your dreams?" when they wake up.
5. Act like you're in a movie and pretend to drown so a handsome man saves you.
6. Keep your text messages flirty and mysterious.
7. Show consideration when you wake your snuggle buddy up at 5 in the morning getting ready for a long run.
8. Get the most out of online dating! If there's something you've been wanting to do, now is your chance!
9. Be clear when you need your person or an attractive stranger to say nice things about you.
Alright, so these are all jokes. (Kind of...) Look, it drives me crazy when I see women down about being single around Valentine's day. I'm single and I've never had more fun in my whole entire life! Training for marathons and traveling doesn't exactly put me in a place where I can date and find a guy who is smart, interesting, driven, and funny!
Age is nothing but a number! Ladies, can we stop with the "Prince Charming" bull shit? You don't need a man to make you happy! If you find someone who compliments you and makes you happy, that's wonderful! But stop sitting around waiting for that to happen. Go meet people. Go on dates! Enjoy people's company! Learn about yourself! Throw your timeline out the window and just live! Or do what I do, run a bunch of marathons. No one is going to question why you're single when you're like, "I don't have time for a boyfriend when I'm training for a marathon." We're not alone.
So please, just because you're not in a relationship, you're not a failure. You're not going to be alone forever! Now throw on some yoga pants and go kick ass! Until next time, #RunSelfieRepeat.