The 9 Stages Of Race Jealousy

Worst case scenario:

You get in to a coveted race like the Boston Marathon or the NYC Half Marathon. You entered the lottery and your name was drawn or maybe even QUALIFIED with an incredible time. You spend months training and then BOOM injury. You're sidelined for 3 months and can't run the race.

Second worst case scenario:

You enter a race lottery year after year and still don't get in. You stomp your feet, write about how angry you are that everyone in the City except you had their names drawn, and you suck it up to train with your friends who got in because what else are you going to do.

Third worst case scenario:

You don't run. You hate running. You don't understand why your best friend, man friend, lady friend, mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, co-worker, (insert relationship here) runs but you make a sign and get dragged on race day to support them. You watch all these people of all different shapes, sizes, and ages look like they are defying gravity. You think for a split second...I want to do this. But alas! You have to wait an entire year for this one race to come.

Race envy is a serious issue and I will freely admit that I am GREEN WITH F*CKING ENVY that everyone in the tri-state area get's to run the NYC Half except for me. Woah. Sorry. I don't know where that came from, I'm totally fine with sitting this one out! NOT! NO I'M NOT! Woah! There it is again! I want to apologize it seems my race jealousy monster is not grinning and bearing it today. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: The 9 Stages of Race Jealousy:

1. Shock and Confusion

"It's not possible! Maybe my credit card on file is expired! There had to be some kind of mistake!"

2. Pleading and Pleading and Pleading

You're tweeting the race organizer and anyone who can help. "ANYONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!"

3. The Irrational Social Media Rant

"WHATEVER I DON'T WANT TO PAY $200 TO RUN THE SAME ROUTE I RUN EVERY WEEKEND ANYWAY!"

3. RAGE

"I WILL RUIN YOU."

4. Hopelessness

"Why me? Every year this happens. Every year."

5. Having To Deal With Everyone Asking You, "DID YOU GET IN?!?! I GOT IN!!!!"

And this one doesn't end after the race is over. Oh no, friends and co-workers will continue to ask, "Hey did you run (insert race here) last weekend? How'd it go."

6. Listening to Friends Planning Their Post Race Brunch

"We get it! You're running a race!"

7. Watching The Race Day Countdown (Thanks NYRR I had no idea we were 3 days away. Good thing you email me every day to remind me I didn't get in.)

#SorryNotSorry but unfollowing you until the race is over.

8. Making A Sign Because The Least You Can Do Is Support.

Samantha Roberts ladies and gentlemen. The world's greatest supporter.

(The silver lining to any race day. Making funny signs.)

9. Have Fun Spectating

If you can't beat em, join em' right? So you're not running the race, there will be more! But every runner knows that spectators make the biggest difference so gather a group and have fun cheering.

Unfortunately there's no cure for race jealousy. There are a couple medications that aren't FDA approved yet but we have a long way to go until we find a cure. Until then keep making those funny signs and support your people because there will always be more races. (And you probably saved $200 by not getting in so go buy yourself something nice.)

Until next time, #RunSelfieRepeat.

1 Comment

Kelly Roberts

It all started when a silly joke made headlines back in 2014 when I took selfies with hot guys “hottie hunting” my way through the New York City Half Marathon. But ironically enough, I haven't always been a runner. As the self-proclaimed former President of the "I f*cking hate running club", I spent most of my life finding ways to avoid physical activity. Growing up, I missed over 70 days of PE my senior year. Working out was something I thought I had to suffer through in order to lose weight. 

Then, in 2009, my younger brother passed away unexpectedly and struggling to manage my grief, I gained more than 75 pounds. With the weight gain came a new fight to regain my sense of self and learn to love the body I saw when I looked in the mirror. Then one Thanksgiving morning, drowning in grief and self doubt, I decided to go for a run. I didn't make it half way down my street before I had to stop to walk but for some reason, struggling forward made more sense than getting back into bed. It turns out that running is a lot like grief, neither ever really get easier, you just get stronger. 

Over time, I realized that while some people are in fact born runners, others are made. I created this blog Run, Selfie, Repeat and my new podcast by the same name with the hopes to inspire others to say yes to themselves while making them laugh hysterically because laughing, in my opinion, is the solution to everything. 

Named by Women's Running as one of twenty women who are changing the sport of running and by Competitor Magazine as one of 12 Influential and inspiring runners under 30, my mission is to inspire others to get embrace a healthy lifestyle and pursue the strongest version of themselves possible.