The Curious Incident: Life Smacked Me In The Face Last Night

I don’t even know where to begin. December, in my personal opinion, is an overwhelming month. Why? Because every December the world decides to make lists and reflect on what they did and didn’t do the previous year, and resolve to do it differently the next one. PS who's idea was the whole "New Year New You!?!?!" You're stressing me out and you owe me an apology. I love and I hate New Year’s resolutions. I am a big fat fan of always bettering yourself. I love that moment when you figure out and can admit that you are motivated to be better. I’m sorry, excuse me, that’s a lie. I love looking back weeks or months after you decided to better yourself, when you are “better.” That moment’s fan-fucking-tastic! Getting there is really terrifying and hard.

I’ve had a really crazy year. Things I never imagined happening happened and I was put in a position I didn’t think I wanted to be in. I didn’t want to create a blog. I wanted to let everything blow over because I was terrified of trying to create something with the attention I was receiving from the NYC Half. I was (am) utterly terrified of embarrassing myself and putting myself out there only to be met by crickets or worse, pitchforks and torches. I didn’t want to admit that I wanted it and then crash and burn. Luckily my sister and one of my best friends Jason smacked me with some Oscar worthy motivational speeches, and stopped me from being lazy and holding myself back.

Why am I telling you this? Well last night my sister and I went to dinner and a show with two of the women who hold us together here in NYC Deb and Melissa and it rocked my world. Deb is our driven, smart, sweet, hilarious, and wickedly sharp NYC Mom and Melissa is one of those people you meet and you think holy hell how did I ever get to be so lucky to have someone as creative, funny, and selfless in my life? They both give great advice without telling me what to do and they are two of the people that I just can’t hide from. I’m a really good bullshitter. I got an undergraduate degree in becoming a professional and convincing bullshitter and if I am being 100% honest, the person I spend the most time bullshitting is myself.  

I have a really hard time admitting I want something when I don’t know how to get it. It’s one of the reasons I’ve fallen in love with running. It’s black and white, if you want to run a marathon you just slowly run further and further. Then you run a marathon! It’s amazing how incredibly simple it is. Terrifying and difficult yes, but so utterly simple.

Last night we all got together for the first time in a month and a half and we did what we always do, we lay everything on the table. We unravel the good, the bad, and the unknown.  Then Deb took us to see the most thought provoking piece of theater I have ever seen in my life, “The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time.” What a script. What a production! Honestly the staging of this show was so innovative; I am at a loss for words. But what was so powerful about this show, despite the spectacle of the production itself, was the story and the acting. Very rarely can you set such a complicated text into a technically advanced, borderline overwhelmingly stimulating world and still produce effective, simplicity that makes you think. I can’t say enough good things about this show. If you’re in London or NYC run, don’t walk, to see it. Or read the book I hear it’s equally incredible.

I don’t know if it was a combination of being with Deb, Melissa, and my sister and then seeing the show but I just took a step back and kind of realized I’m still holding myself back.

I’m starting to realize that I’ve bullshitted myself into “taking my time” and “seeing what happens” instead of admitting what I want and throwing myself into it completely. I’ve been doing the bare minimum which is the exact same thing as not trying. I am firm believer that the only way you can fail is if you don’t try. For me the scariest part that stops me dead in my tracks is just admitting that I want something or that I need to go after it.

But it’s just like what I’ve learned from training to run a marathon, you just have to bite the bullet, pull the trigger and ask for help. The next step is to simply hit the ground running. So that is what I did. Today I sent the emails that needed to be sent, I asked the people for help that I have been TERRIFIED to ask, and I finally admitted that I wasn’t going to wait anymore. I took the first step to getting out of my own damn way and start fighting.

So here’s to ending the year on an extremely fucking terrifying note and here’s to the fight that is only just beginning. Get ready because I just jumped off the cliff and you’re all coming with me.

Until tomorrow, #RunSelfieRepeat. (Anyone else's heart beating out of their chests? No? Just me? Groovy.)

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Kelly Roberts

It all started when a silly joke made headlines back in 2014 when I took selfies with hot guys “hottie hunting” my way through the New York City Half Marathon. But ironically enough, I haven't always been a runner. As the self-proclaimed former President of the "I f*cking hate running club", I spent most of my life finding ways to avoid physical activity. Growing up, I missed over 70 days of PE my senior year. Working out was something I thought I had to suffer through in order to lose weight. 

Then, in 2009, my younger brother passed away unexpectedly and struggling to manage my grief, I gained more than 75 pounds. With the weight gain came a new fight to regain my sense of self and learn to love the body I saw when I looked in the mirror. Then one Thanksgiving morning, drowning in grief and self doubt, I decided to go for a run. I didn't make it half way down my street before I had to stop to walk but for some reason, struggling forward made more sense than getting back into bed. It turns out that running is a lot like grief, neither ever really get easier, you just get stronger. 

Over time, I realized that while some people are in fact born runners, others are made. I created this blog Run, Selfie, Repeat and my new podcast by the same name with the hopes to inspire others to say yes to themselves while making them laugh hysterically because laughing, in my opinion, is the solution to everything. 

Named by Women's Running as one of twenty women who are changing the sport of running and by Competitor Magazine as one of 12 Influential and inspiring runners under 30, my mission is to inspire others to get embrace a healthy lifestyle and pursue the strongest version of themselves possible.