7 Lies All Runners Tell

Runners are a bunch of endorphin drunk liars. There, I said it. I have never in my life met a group of humans who lie more than runners do. It's really bad. So bad that I don't trust a damn word that comes out of anyone's mouth. AND CURVEBALL -- I'm the worst liar of them all! I am a f*cking liar. I HUGE F*CKING LIAR. AND I CAN'T HELP IT! I'm a big ol' liar liar spandex shorts on fire and my friends all let me get away with it because they're just as bad! Here are 7 lies all runners tell --

1. Where They Are.

5 lies all runners tell

"I'm 5 minutes away."

No you're not you liar, you're a mile away IF NOT two miles away. Don't lie to me.

"I'm a mile away but I'm running fast."

No you're not, you're probably walking as you typed that! Liar! Whenever any runner tells you how far away they are, just expect they are a good mile behind that. Runners have the worst sense of direction...(and they're calculating little liars...)

2. How Long Their Run Will Take.

5 lies all runners tell

I have a 13 mile long run tomorrow so I'll be home in about two hours."

Oh really? In what world is that accurate? So suddenly you're a speed racer and you're gonna throw in a personal best during your training run? Look we all know you want to get to brunch as soon as possible but don't make your friends get up earlier because you think you're fast as lightning. Let's make that a more accurate two and a half hours...shall we? (At this point my friends just add an extra hour to any time I throw out. THAT'S how bad I am...)

3. Pace and Perceived Effort Level.

5 lies all runners tell

Runners are always lying about their pace.

"Let's do a three mile easy run."

Really? Easy? This is your easy? Pushing 7:30 minute miles is easy for you? "Fast", "easy", and "short" have about 50 different definitions for runners. Slow your roll speed racers, if I say I'm going easy...I mean I want to run at a snail's pace.

4. Water Breaks.

5 lies all runners tell

"Can we stop at that water fountain up ahead?"

Oh you mean, "Can we walk to that water fountain up ahead?" Yeah I see right through you... (and yes, OBVIOUSLY I want to walk to that water fountain up ahead.)

5. How Far They Are Going To Go.

5 lies all runners tell

Whether it's a 6 mile long run that becomes a 2 mile "F*ck this I'm going home" run or a half marathon that becomes a marathon, runners really never know how far they are going to go. Why? Because they're a bunch of crazy liars.

6. "It Doesn't Hurt That Bad."

5 lies all runners tell

Raise your hand if you've uttered the phrase, "It's a pain but it's a 'dull' pain." The things we put ourselves through! (Disclaimer: Don't run through pain. Missing 1 run and figuring out what's going on is always smarter than injuring yourself further. Always.)

7. Taking Time Off.

5 lies all runners tell

I'm going to really take the time to recover after that (insert marathon or race here). No, no you're not you liar. I bet $100 you won't make it past a week. If a runner tells you they are going to "enjoy" their vacation or "take it easy" while they "recover" they are lying to you.

8. When They Tell You How Much Fun They Have.

7 Lies All Runners Tell

I think once you become someone who runs frequently, you forget the difference between pain and fun. That or you just lose your damn mind and think pain is fun (which is actually fairly accurate now that I think about it). So never mind, this isn't an intentional lie, it's actually fun to kick your own ass.

(Wait was that 8? Sh*t...OK I LIED! 8 lies all runners tell...)

They may be a bunch of liars but I love them anyways!!! What are your favorite lies runners tell? Until next time, #RunSelfieRepeat.

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Kelly Roberts

It all started when a silly joke made headlines back in 2014 when I took selfies with hot guys “hottie hunting” my way through the New York City Half Marathon. But ironically enough, I haven't always been a runner. As the self-proclaimed former President of the "I f*cking hate running club", I spent most of my life finding ways to avoid physical activity. Growing up, I missed over 70 days of PE my senior year. Working out was something I thought I had to suffer through in order to lose weight. 

Then, in 2009, my younger brother passed away unexpectedly and struggling to manage my grief, I gained more than 75 pounds. With the weight gain came a new fight to regain my sense of self and learn to love the body I saw when I looked in the mirror. Then one Thanksgiving morning, drowning in grief and self doubt, I decided to go for a run. I didn't make it half way down my street before I had to stop to walk but for some reason, struggling forward made more sense than getting back into bed. It turns out that running is a lot like grief, neither ever really get easier, you just get stronger. 

Over time, I realized that while some people are in fact born runners, others are made. I created this blog Run, Selfie, Repeat and my new podcast by the same name with the hopes to inspire others to say yes to themselves while making them laugh hysterically because laughing, in my opinion, is the solution to everything. 

Named by Women's Running as one of twenty women who are changing the sport of running and by Competitor Magazine as one of 12 Influential and inspiring runners under 30, my mission is to inspire others to get embrace a healthy lifestyle and pursue the strongest version of themselves possible.